Friday, February 28, 2014
A man received a text message from his neighbour I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again. The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: Damn auto correct. I meant "wifi", not "wife"
Road Directed by Diarmuid Lavery and Michael Hewitt. Narrated by Liam Neeson NORTHERN IRELAND 2014 102 MINS DRAMA OPENING & CLOSING Opening & Closing Two generations of one family. United by success. United by loss. Motorcycle road racing is the most dangerous of all motor sports. A sport in which men compete at speeds of up to 200 miles per hour on closed country roads. Roads that on any other day service cars, buses, tractors. Roads that are lined with trees, telegraph posts and stone walls. It is a sport that has a special place in the life and culture of Northern Ireland. But one that has claimed many lives over the years – and continues to do so to this day. Narrated by Liam Neeson, and produced by Belfast’s DoubleBand Films, this feature documentary tells the extraordinary and dramatic story of two sets of brothers from Northern Ireland who have dominated road racing for over thirty years. Robert and Joey Dunlop. Quiet men from a rural village in Co-Antrim – but racers who risked everything to win. And Robert’s sons, William and Michael. Two of the world’s leading road racers today. Young men determined to continue a family tradition. Featuring stunning action, candid race day scenes and a gripping narrative, ROAD is the story of two generations of one family that have been united by success. And united by loss.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Friday, February 21, 2014
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. 'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?' Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know, sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.' He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?' Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his willy in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!' The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely'..... . ' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? '
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Friday, February 14, 2014
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Four guys have been going to the same Golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since last night.. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie. She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading 50 Shades of Grey...... On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."